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Cary GrantCharm – Definition

noun

–  a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty:

– any action supposed to have magical power.

verb

– to delight or please greatly by beauty, attractiveness, etc.; enchant:

–  to act upon (someone or something) with or as with a compelling or magical force:

–  to gain or influence through personal charm.

“He is so charming.” It is one of those great compliments any chap likes to hear said about him. When we think of Charming people, we think of great actors that epitomised charm; Cary Grant, David Niven, George Clooney and Hugh Jackman. These ambassadors of  charisma make it look easy both on and off screen, natural and effortless. Charmers get the girl. Charmers get the raise. Charmers win the day.

“Charm is a way of getting the answer ‘Yes’ without asking a clear question.”

Albert Camus

I have been told that you can’t teach Charm, it is something that people either have or don’t have. As the definition suggests, it is a magical quality, placing a spell over the recipient. These wizards entice you into their bidding with their words and behaviour.

“Charm was a scheme for making strangers like and trust a person immediately, no matter what the charmer had in mind.”

Kurt Vonnegut

I can attest that it is a learnable skill, as I have learnt it. I was not a confident child, nor was I particularly good at dealing with people. I made a decision one day that I would change. One of the things I wanted to be was charming. So I studied those who were good at it, watched movies of the stars listed above and made notes. I read books that I thought would help, such as Dale Carnegie’s ‘How to win friends and influence people’. I put myself in situations and practiced till I got better and better and now? Well, meet me and judge for yourself.

Also, I discovered that some of those actors listed above were racked with insecurity and confidence issues and did not think themselves charming at all. They had learnt the skills to cover these perceived flaws.

It is true that some people have it naturally and it comes to some people more easily than to others. We all have talents and attributes that we are better at than others, but we can always learn the skill and practice till we get good at it. Yes, you may never be an Olympic level Charmer, but with practice you will certainly hear that compliment we started with.

Here are our five tips to start you on acquiring Charm Skills.

5 Magical Tips to gain Charm

Be Genuinely Interested

As Dale Carnegie says, the easiest way to be interesting is to be interested in others. If you are genuinely interested in the person or people your are engaging with, that comes through and people open up to you.

Smile

A smile is universal, it is gesture that promotes openness and happiness, all of which are infectious. Remember to smile with your eyes and maintain eye contact when you do.

Be Self-effacing

We don’t mean self-deprecating, which is the negative version of this. We mean being humble about yourself and your abilities. No one likes a braggart and a show-off, that is far from charming.

Be Witty

One of the toughest parts to master but the most effective. Wit is not jokes, wit is about thinking, perception and timing. You don’t have to say something quickly, you just have to say the right thing at the right time.

Confidence is Key

This is probably the most difficult single element. But like the skill of Charm, you can develop self-confidence with practice. Being confident is both attractive and secure for others.

We have now made a course to help you develop this skill, without all the hassle that I went through. Come join us and learn to ‘Be Charming’ as we run through practical exercises to help you with all these elements.
http://codeofthegentleman.com/course/be-charming-2/

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